Hey there! You’re looking good. Been working out maybe? New hair style? Well, I don’t know what’s different about you but, whatever you’re doing, keep it up! You know, I haven’t said this much before (and I really should) but… you’ve got this real charismatic quality, you know? Almost an aura. Like (insert name of […]

I’ve got three weeks off of work. From a writer perspective this means I’ve three weeks of having a super-rich spouse who supports my aspirations financially. Except I don’t have to emotionally and sexually support *them* because they don’t exist. Best of both worlds. I’m living Melania Trump’s dream life right now and I have […]

Guy wanted to pay for room with cash, offered driving license as ID. Wasn’t his face in the photo. I pointed this out and we was all “It was from years ago, faces change”. I was like “This man looks decades older than you, sir. Are you from Gallifrey?” He left. Not in a TARDIS.

‘You can’t beat a biscuit’ as JRR Tolkien once opined. Indeed, it was the first line of The Silmarillion until Tolkien’s editors got all sniffy. And, oh boy, it’s hard to disagree (unless you’re diabetic). We love biscuits, we love boxes of biscuits and we love box sets of Game Of Thrones. But what’s your […]

I’ve just stumbled on some weird arbitrary rule of mine. Time Team is on the telly right now and the archaeologists are digging up bodies in a naval hospital from the Nelson era. Something about that doesn’t quite- quite– sit right with me. Those bodies are a bit too close to me in time. It’s […]

Six months on and the saga continues: Mum: “You didn’t tell Mrs Shah you’re a novelist did you? You never do.” Me: “It’s hard to crowbar into the conversation.” Mum: “She’s a right to know, Jim. She’s your dentist.”